Sunday, May 31, 2009

Perfect Fit

I've come to the conclusion that I have what it takes to become a successful private eye. (Of course I don't really know all that much about what PI's really do, outside what I've seen in movies and read in The Spellman series, but I imagine I'd be great).

Number one, I have the whole incognito thing going for me, and I doubt I'd even need to don a single disguise. For whatever reason, people just do not seem to notice me. I regularly have people re-introducing themselves to me. For a while I just smiled, shook hands, and let it pass without comment, but now I'm calling them on it, reminding them exactly when and where we have been previously introduced. They're always befuddled by me. And I can't help but wonder if these people are just woefully unobservant or I personally am just uber-observant. I suspect the former, and I doubt if push came to shove, these people could even pick me out of a line-up.

So far, so good, right?

Number two, I deal better with computers than I do with people--computers are much more efficient and they don't hold grudges. All those database searches, background checks, etc, etc that I'd need to put in as a PI--no problem! I'm even an excellent typist (if I do say so myself).

Number 3, stakeouts would be a piece of cake--assuming I started up my investigations services in a more temperate part of the country--or invested in some sort of battery-operated air conditioner. Pack a couple of paperbacks and a snack, and I could hole up in my car for as long as my bladder could hold me. And don't worry--the book wouldn't be too much of a distraction. At this point I'm totally used to reading while watching my kids, so when necessary, I look up from the page every few seconds. Plenty of time to catch someone in the act of something.

Number 4, tailing a perp's car should not pose a problem either. Right now I own a beige Chevy Suburban, which may as well be standard issue for this part of the country. It also provides good cover for imperfect driving and parking, thanks to the frazzled moms who've set that questionable trend. Admittedly, if I were to move, I'd have to switch vehicles in an attempt to blend in. Oh, and I already have a GPS!

That's all I've got so far, but as I see it, this may very well be my calling...


Keri Mikulski said...

:) LOL

Barrie said...

Give it a try and report back to us. :)

Leslie said...

yep ..looks like you have a new career!!

Miss Chevious said...

oddly enough i've actually been on a "stake-out" and then tailed the object of my stake-out in my (then) dodge neon through the streets of downtown houston. many a red light was run (before the ticketing cameras, of course). the things you do for friends, i swear.