What's black and white and dead meat? *

I have never been a big fan of cats. I know they have their devotees, and a disturbingly large number of people would probably agree to let cats take over the world if the situation presented itself. I. am. not. one. of. those. people.

Let's say this: cats and I are like oil and water. There are simply too many contentious points of disagreement between us. For instance:

1. Cat pee is not among my favored fragances. Far from it.

2. Cat 'rubbing' creeps me out.

3. Cat jack-in-the-box surprises freak me out.

4. Cat attitude irks me.

I think that's plenty--you get it. I'm a dog person, but I treat cats like I treat obnoxious humans: I ignore them to the best of my ability and remove myself from their presence whenever possible.

Well I can no longer continue my passive-agressive attitude. Not after what happened this morning. This morning, the gauntlet was thrown down by a cat wearing a zebra-striped kerchief. *Answer to the riddle above? My in-law's cat. This morning he climbed into my sons' suitcase and peed all over everything.

That's right. Obnoxious humans don't even do that--at least not the ones I know. I can't overlook this (as my MIL was happy to do--although she did offer to buy us a new suitcase after brushing ours down with some Dawn dishwashing liquid and throwing all the clothes left in the suitcase in the washer--the cat was defended until the bitter end). This is an act of war, and I have no choice but to step up to the plate.

But you can be sure I won't be peeing in his kitty bag. I would never stoop so low.
I could probably talk myself into dropping a couple of kitty litter bricks in his bed though...

Okay fine...I won't do that either.

Just thought of the perfect revenge. I'll get his brother, a tiny Maltese, a t-shirt that says, "I'm with stupid." I LOVE it. But please feel free to offer alternate suggestions. And if you're one of those people on board with a kitty coup, please don't take offense. This cat has it coming to him.